


Was Love Always This Sweet?

by sleepyhyo



Series: Someday [4]
Category: ONF (Band)
Genre: Baking, Boys In Love, Fluff, Insecurity, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28273470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepyhyo/pseuds/sleepyhyo
Summary: Hyojin doesn't get those tell tale signs like in books an in movies for what love is. It's different but he was never the normal one so it only makes sense that it would look different and feel different for him. With everything he gives Jaeyoung Hyojin gets the same or maybe even twice as much from what they share.
Relationships: Kim Hyojin/Shim Jaeyoung | Wyatt
Series: Someday [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1966810
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	Was Love Always This Sweet?

**Author's Note:**

> I can't break myself from writing about these two. I think that another point of view was needed for who exactly? Whoever wants to read it but also for me because I love them in this series.

A choice isn’t made between loving yourself and hating yourself because anyone would take love. Hate seeps into you and poisons you. Before you realize that’s what it is, it’s too late. Some people might grow to love that sickness and sting that burns underneath the skin. The sleepless nights and bad choices become something you need. Anything to feel other than disdain for oneself but after every action you always end up back at it either way. At least when Hyojin would be held his mind wouldn’t think of all the bad. Only pleasure was breaking him down. That level of control was all he had to hold onto. Each caress against his skin a ghost left behind. Used. All of it was empty. Empty words, empty emotions, and Hyojin was so empty..

_ Was _ , as in past tense, because Hyojin isn’t empty anymore. Loving himself is not learned overnight. Jaeyoung loves him so much. Even though he took and took from him he never got angry. Never told him he was lesser than. No. Jaeyoung made him feel whole and full like he was the world. He’s full to the point he could burst any second. That’s how he describes the feeling. 

Cut into his own flesh and take it apart. The bloodied fingertips dragging against a firm back. Stability was much more unattainable, no it was impossible. A night like any other than how it should’ve been because he was in control. He had to be, but his resolve was breaking. He knew it was and it was so terrifying. 

Slowly he was falling in love with him as the nights they had turned into evenings and then to days. Hyojin wanted every moment given to him. How he never saw that it was being offered he isn’t sure. Because he is a fool and that much hasn’t changed. 

He couldn’t ask for it. That would make him weak wouldn’t it? Not at first because he had spent so much time resenting it. Acting like he didn’t need it. 

Poison in his body made him sicker as the days blurred together. It was more than just a mere matter of stress. To try and remove it. To try and love without it. It was too long a part of him, how could he make it stop just like that? A relapse in mind and body surely because the urge to fall over was worse than with the poison than when it started to be drained out. But, Hyojin wouldn’t die. No, he would come out alive. Here he is, alive and well. Better than well hell he’s amazing. 

Something deep in him lets him know that he can choose. ‘It’s ok,’ they assure him. 

Hyojin has the choice now and he chose Jaeyoung. 

In that moment when his mind should have been a mess it was more clear than ever. 

“Jaeyoung. Jaeyoung.”

“What?” he asks. 

“Come here.”

Jaeyoung brings his face closer to Hyojin’s, leaning down. They stare at each other. A communication that was becoming a normal one between the two. At any second he could jump up and run away. That’s what it seems like. Hyojin likes to make him squirm and panic. Though Hyojin doesn’t do much really. Not at all. Still his boyfriend was utterly gone. 

Boyfriend, still felt strange and was strange to say. Jaeyoung was his friend before his lover. Now the two are conjoined and the line is blurred. You see, now when their lips meet there’s no invisible time limit. If they want to be close there’s no rules, just a matter of doing. Hyojin has always loved how he is taken apart by him. Only now it feels different. It  _ is _ different. Hyojin could tell Jaeyoung’s feelings from every move he made. He never really let himself pay attention to it. Now that he does, it’s the most overwhelming part. Hyojin  _ loves _ it. He loves Jaeyoung. 

To be broken so delicately. To be wanted fully. What else could you ask for? 

“Kiss?” Hyojin whispers. 

He’s never spoken too loud and he doesn’t need to.

Jaeyoung will always fall into him. 

Their lips meet and it’s only a press. Just delicate and soft. 

All those butterfly and firework analogies for how love feels don’t really make sense to him. Like now when they kiss Hyojin feels uneasy but safe. Uneasy in his need to be perfect. Safe in the back of his mind because he’s already exactly how Jaeyoung likes him. 

They pull apart and Hyojin smiles at him.

“What’s with you today?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re just. I don’t know.”

“Can’t a guy just kiss his boyfriend without there being a hidden meaning?”

Jaeyoung nods and his ears are red. 

Hyojin moves from his chair to stand on his feet. 

“Alright so are you going to help me now or what?” Jaeyoung sighs.

Hyojin hums and pushes him over, walking towards their kitchen island. Although Jaeyoung was the one who fell first Hyojin liked to think he was the more romantic one. Maybe because he lacked shame, that’s why. He coerced the other into doing a lot of things. Some were more wild and self indulgent honesty. There was never a lot of resistance so Hyojin was also probably spoiled. Like today he asked him to make cookies because Hyojin wanted homemade cookies. Except he didn’t specify that they were for him. Just that they should make them because that was a thing couples did. After 9 minutes though Hyojin got bored and tried to make Jaeyoung do all the work. 

With a growing relationship means a growth in mental strength. Jaeyoung quickly made it clear he wouldn’t allow that to happen. Reprimanding him with a “firm hand.” Which Hyojin enjoyed so it wasn’t really effective. He knows when to stop playing around all on his own terms anyways. 

Though seeing Jaeyoung annoyed is very rare. It’s fun to make him that way. 

Hyojin leans on his elbows and watches as he scoops the batter out onto the paper. Jaeyoung holds the spoon out to him and Hyojin holds in a smirk.

He drags his fingers on his arm, slipping them around his wrist. Sure he knew when to stop but that didn’t really mean he wanted to after all. Drawing the spoon to his mouth Hyojin looks up through hooded eyes. Jaeyoung is starting. Hyojin bites his lip. Jaeyoung’s eyes follow as he lets it slip free and places the spoon on his tongue. He sucks it into his mouth. The taste is sweet and the texture, smooth but it grits against his teeth. It’s cold from being in the fridge and Hyojin’s throat contracts. It tastes good. 

Jaeyoung let’s out a breath through his nose. His face hasn’t changed but Hyojin can read his gaze. His eyes are dark, he should probably stop. Jaeyoung pulls on the handle of the spoon a bit and Hyojin lets the spoon slide out of his mouth. He licks his lips chasing the sweetness. Down on the surface of the counter Jaeyoung rests his hand. The spoon held tight in his grip. 

“Are you sure this really isn’t a gift for yourself?”

Hyojin let’s himself smile this time. 

“We both can enjoy it,” he replies, feigning innocence. 

Jaeyoung frowns at him. For a second Hyojin muses over the idea that he’ll get in trouble again. 

‘He’s playing well at acting indifferent today,’ Hyojin thinks. That’s all it was. False anger. Reaching over the island again, Hyojin dips his finger into the bowl and licks the batter off his finger. Making sure to suck on it in an obnoxiously suggestive manner. 

“It tastes good,” is all Hyojin spares him. 

“I didn’t think eating cookie dough was the plan here.”

“Hm...so you really don’t want any?”

Hyojin takes the spoon from him and scoops a small bit out. He holds it up to Jaeyoung.

“Say ahh,” he teases.

Jaeyoung laughs finally. Taking the offering. Hyojin waits for his thoughts. 

“...I guess it’s all right.”

“Just alright?!”

“Yes, just alright.”

His face shows that he’s clearly upset with that answer. When it came to eating Hyojin was quite serious. But, he wasn’t a picky person anyway so his opinion was biased. Jaeyoung was never that great at baking but he’s gotten better in Hyojin’s opinion. 

He doesn’t realize his head is turned down until a hand holds him under his chin. Jaeyoung pulls him into a kiss, licking into his mouth. His tongue is warm and it makes Hyojin feel safe again in a weird way. That’s just how his head worked he guesses. KIssing jaeyoung was his favorite thing. He leans into it but Jaeyoung let’s him go just as quickly as he came.

“Well I guess you were right...it is better than alright.”

Hyojin blushes this time. That’s something he won’t get used to. When Jaeyoung uses his own tricks against him. When he messes with him so obviously. 

  
  


They finish placing all the globs on the paper and slide the pan into the oven. Jaeyoung attempts to pull Hyojin back to the table but he refuses. Hyojin sits on the floor and watches the screen of the oven light up with that red hue. Indicating that it’s getting hot inside. Lost in his own head. Hyojin starts to feel that twisting in his chest. They were just making stupid sugar cookies but he suddenly feels emotional. Tears slide down his cheeks and he blinks. He tries not to make noise but he can’t stop them. Faint sounds of sniffling. No actual sobs or cause for concern. Still, he can hear Jaeyoung’s feet shuffle across the floor coming back  over to him. He sits beside him and makes Hyojin look at him. He smiles and wipes away his tears. 

“Why are you crying?”

Hyojin groans because he feels stupid. He didn’t know why he was crying. He was just overwhelmed.

Is it silly to equate this moment to a deeper thing. Since, this was all for him. Hyojin is happy. They’re happy tears. 

“Should I cry too then?” Jaeyoung whispers. 

Hyojin laughs because he sounds serious. He hugs him, pressing his face into his chest. Jaeyoung strokes his head, playing with his hair.

“I’m hungry,” Hyojin mumbles.

“Why didn’t you eat? Please tell me you didn’t expect to fill up on those?”

Hyojin doesn’t say anything. He lied. Well, he is hungry that’s true, but that’s obviously not the reason for these tears. Jaeyoung knows that most likely, but he won’t push to ask more. He never does. Hyojin appreciates it more than he’ll ever know. 

“I’ll feed you, so you don’t have to worry about being hungry ever again. Just ask me!” 

Jaeyoung pulls his head back to kiss his forehead. It makes heat crawl back into his cheeks. This was way too...soft. That’s the word. 

“When did you become so cheesy? It’s gross...”

Jaeyoung pinches his side in frustration. “You calling me gross bro?”

“Are we really in a position to use bro?”

“Mhm....yeah. Bro. You’re my bro.”

“You’re not funny.” 

But Hyojin still smiles as Jaeyoung moves him to kiss his neck. Hyojin laughs and pulls him down to the floor of their kitchen to kiss him, to hold him. Romance was sometimes a kiss in the rain that gave you butterflies. Or, it was kissing your boyfriend on the floor of your kitchen in front of the oven at 8pm. Hyojin thinks then that he finally understands the analogies. 

A second chance, he’s not sure why he deserves it really. 

If life will be this wonderful for however long they have, he doesn’t care. If time were to bring them back to each other over and over with the choice to choose. Hyojin will choose Jaeyoung every time in every life no matter what.

  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> it was short i know but i hope you enjoyed it anyways as always thank you for reading!


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